it started with a wink...

Some days are like most. Routine. Slight variations on a theme.
You never know when something simple will impact you in a way that never seemed possible. A tiny pebble of a day creating vast ripples in a life of ordinary.

Two years ago, today, I received an email that would change the course of my life, forever. Or more aptly, the course had already been set, I just did not see the turn coming. A butterfly effect enacted by a wink.

In my endeavor for companionship I had received a few emails of this nature. Each time I would receive an email like this, my future would flash before my eyes. Curious if this would be "The One". "This is how it started." "Could it be?" And once the flash was over, the wall of "forming a response" would jolt to the foreground. Followed by the process of investigation. Reading her profile. Rereading her profile. Rerereading her profile. Looking through all of her pictures. Rereading her profile. Looking through all of her pictures looking for any type of context clue that might reveal itself. Rereading her profile. Opening an email form to send a response. Closing window. Rereading. Pictures. Mouse hovering over "reply".  Riffling through cheesy responses in my head. Writing. Deleting. Editing. Rewriting. Another future flash. hope. doubt. anticipation. anxiety. Unable to sit still long enough to write a response.
Just hit send.
Just hit send.
Slight edit.
Just hit send.

Send.

Joy, fear, excitement, curiosity, and anxiety all coagulated into a single mouse click.
Rereading the email. Rereading her profile. Rereading my profile.
Check email.
Refresh.
Refresh.
Just walk away.
Refresh.
It is an interesting blend of being so excited about the possibility and trying to keep in mind that it's only an email to a woman 150 miles away that I have never met. It could pan out to be nothing more than a single interaction. OR it could be the single most important interaction in the history of everdom. The battle of excitement and realism. Do people really find meaningful relationships this way?

Flash forward:
First Response.
First Phone Call.
First Date.
First Touch of her skin.
First Sunset.
Falling in love, with Los Banos?
First Kiss.
First Proposal.
First Ring.
First Wedding.
First Forever.

I could never have imagined that I would be sitting here and looking back on so many wonderful memories from the last two years. It has been a blessing and a joy to be able to get to know such an amazing person. Still rereading: but now a face and stories...our story. And looking through pictures...our pictures. A woman who makes me know love in a way that I never thought possible. To know and to be known.
To think, it all started with a wink.

change

As I visited the ocean tonight I stood and watched the waves swirling around the rocks. I reflected on  entering a season of large changes. In the next few weeks I will pack all of my belongings and leave the county that I have spent the last ten years. It is strange to think that I will move away from the coast that I have become accustomed to visiting so easily and often take for granted. So much beauty just a short drive away.
I will pack up an office and leave a place I have worked at for the better part of the last nine years and say, "see you later" to many friends that have become like family. I will head east and start a new job, in a new city and most excitedly enter a new season of life; marriage.
So with great excitement I enter this new season of life. There is so much to look forward to: being closer to the woman whom I love so much, starting a new job, meeting new people and of course being closer to Yosemite, a wonderful source of beauty. There are also many things I will miss. And so on this night, likely one of my few remaining opportunities for a casual impromptu visit to the ocean, I decided to stop at one of the turnouts I had never been to before. I parked and walked down the short trail, dancing around the scattered patches of poison oak. Reminiscing about the time I wandered down a trail in shorts and got poison oak up and down my legs and on my face so that my eye was swollen half shut and had to have two shots before the symptoms subsided.
I thought about the many times I had stood next to the ocean waiting for the light to be right to take pictures. Reminding myself to always step back and be present in the moment. A picture can never fully capture the moment and so I try and be mindful of being present knowing that life is not just about seeing the moment but about taking time to feel it.
And so I endeavor in all of these changes to be present. To remind myself that the journey is exciting and I need to take moments just to take in everything around me. I am thankful for all that I have and grateful for the experiences life has brought me so far and look forward to the adventures that lay ahead.